Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He has the fingertips of a God
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
