I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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