my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
