At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
