Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
