My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
