My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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