I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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