I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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