My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
