I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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