i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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