Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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