I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?