Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Your dad touched me again.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.