How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Shame is for Republicans.
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