he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?