Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm at about main and main street
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.