The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
