Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
