Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
