"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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