And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
