You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
