she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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