So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
