woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize