i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
this will be a night to untag.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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