Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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