remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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