M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize