is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
