Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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