If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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