i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?