I want to make a zoo with you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up