I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
