I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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