What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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