Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
