glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
