Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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