Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
