operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
