So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
