I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
