when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
