he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
