Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
