I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
