I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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