I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
