My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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