I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
