Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
