i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
