where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's get the cat blown out
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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