is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
