bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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