Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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