he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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