Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That accounts for only three of the penises
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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