I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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