Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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