I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
