In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
