the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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