My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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