I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
