I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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