well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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