If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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