She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize