i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
