Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
