The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
