I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
