Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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