Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
