if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
