How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
