Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
