you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
