she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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