fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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