That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
