OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
