I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
