Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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